阿嬤

有人说：老人家就像小孩子一样需要很多的精神去照顾。我逐渐地明白了...

从小就是阿公阿嬤看着我长大的。进入小学，中学和大学的时刻都有他们的见证。

阿公在我大学一年的时候过世了，很遗憾。大学毕业后虽然可以有更广阔的天空，但还是选择了回到家里帮忙照顾年华老去的阿嬤。

年迈八十的阿嬤身体还算健康，有少许的毛病但没有大碍。只是，她的记忆已随着时光的流逝逐渐退步。

从一开始只是偶尔不见一些钱财，到今年新年的状况是每隔两三天就不见红包，提款卡或银行簿子。

以为可以照顾阿嬤的我，开始吃不消了。在求学的压力和家里的状况之中试着寻找宁静的片刻，开始觉得很疲倦和无奈。

无可奈何之下决定让舅舅们来进行轮班制，希望情况会好一点。

前几天看了个关于dementia的文章：
1. One of the factor can be due to Alzheimer's Disease.
2. Lost the ability to keep track of purse/money.
3. Reasoning ability would be reduced.
这些我都观察到了。

心疼的看着阿嬤，我想她心里也不好过。

突然间，我很怕变老。变老了，很可怕。

冲冲冲～咦？卡住了??! 好消息～？

从Sabah过后就忙着准备到吉兰丹的conference和实验，不停的计划-实践，再重新计划-实践。

老实说，这次在这边的实验还蛮顺利的。至少细胞都很健康，没想上次这样一直contaminated。就这样马不停蹄的做啊做，写啊写，再analyse...

Immunocytochemistry和Immunofluorescence的照片都拍到满意了。

昨天开开心心的想要进入flow cytometry,怎知一个sms过来说机器buffer leaking!很好，接下来几天的计划都泡汤了！亏我还把细胞养的这么多...而且最让我接受不到的是，怎么在analysis的前两个小时才知道啊? Steps都做完了，就只差analysis而已，怎么这样???

结果这天就什么都没做到了，因为心情一直平静不下来。在这家company打工的Owen还第一时间给了我engineer的电话,真好。可是那位天真的RA过后好像被我的电话吓到了，一直不reply SMS...算了吧，反正时间也不够了，就随她喜欢吧！没办法，只好尝试联络槟城mainland的IPPT。

就在打算收拾心情准备打包回家时，今早来了个好消息。去年年终申请的Postgraduate Research Grant Scheme竟然被我拿到了！不多：RM19,500~可是却足以让我开心一整天，顿时充满能量起来。

这笔钱来得正是时候，因为一直以来都靠别人的grant,总是觉得很多事情是很无奈的。毕竟老板不会答应花一大笔钱买只有我一个人用的antibody或reagent,我一直都在烦要怎么办，尤其是在很努力想明年毕业的时候。甚至在上两个月，我竟然有股念头想要转成part-time student，忧郁起来还去向老板讲我的压力。这次几乎全部postgraduate student都申请的grant,竟然让我拿到了，讲真有点难以置信。

付出的努力总算有人赞同了，真的好感动～ 好吧，为了着少许的甜头，冲完这路程！

P/S:正在和我一样struggle的朋友们，一起奋斗呀！^^

Part 3- A Self-Challenging Trip to Mount Kinabalu~ finally !!!

Ops when was the last I wrote? Arh... it's at Laban Rata now.

10 May 2013 I personally would feel that the 3rd day was the most challenging day, that challenged our adaptation of body to the height, as well as the will to achieve the goal. Most of us did not sleep well on the second night, as it was really cold! Even the blanket couldn't warm the body at all. This was the time that I started to have the windbreaker, gloves, and socks on. (Very much thankful to Lian Hui that lend me the whole set of this! =D)

The supper breakfast at Laban Rata Resthouse started at 2am. Our guide told us to be ready before 2.30am to get ready for the hike, so that we would be able to catch the sunrise. Somehow, there's a slight delay in the departure, and so we departed at 3am, but Jacy and the gang were very excited and so they left before us. I always face the trouble of suffering nausea if the gap between the meal and the hike is too short. The schedule is beyond my control this time, but still I ate something to ensure the energy supply for later challenge.

Well as expected, I had the nausea feeling after just a short journey. I was trying to keep my steps small so that I won't vomit. But soon I realized that it was not a good idea as I was left behind! Luckily there's Kelvin that's walking with me. I wish to enjoy the sunrise view at the Low's Peak! At the end, I did not care about that anymore and decided to walk faster even though I knew it would be a mess, huhu. And so it happened as expected, but after that I could walk much more comfortably.

We continue the journey, then slowly meeting Ai Yin and Sarega who seemed couldn't adapt to the breathing condition. We walked and walked, in the dark, with headlights on. That time what we could see were just the headlights that's arranged in a row, moving like ants! Especially for those that were further away from us. We stopped once in a while to retrieve the breath. Sarega and Ai Yin did ask us to leave them and go ahead that time. Somehow, I would feel that there won't be any motivation if I have to walk alone. Thus, we insisted to move in a group.

Some of the area were really steep and we had to hold to the rope. That is extremely important for those that don't have a good shoes that could grasp the land nicely. Ai Yin's shoes were the one that I said the grip is bad, she kept on slipping and falling down until at a point that she was scared to walk anymore. (If anyone ask me about branded hiking shoes, I would show you an ignorant face!) Luckily the guide was very good, supporting her whenever she needed that. There was a point that I was waiting for them and I turned around, and immediately I regretted on that. I saw the building down there were very very far from us, and I'm sure that it would definitely be a disaster if anyone roll down. No turning back, head to the peak only after that.

There were no rest house in between, we could only stop aside to calm down a bit. I just feel that the journey towards the checkpoint was very very far. After that, the way seemed to be simpler, at least we could see where we were heading. Step-by-step, time went on and the sky got brighter.



The guide told us that we have to reach Low's Peak before 6.30am, or else we have to give up the end-point. The time limitation was quite worrying for us, can we make it? Should we still walk in a team? Why can't we see some other friends? Where's Shu Yih? My water bottle and rain coat were with him...(Seriously all these things should be kept personally, LOL!) A lot of questions popping out but still we proceed in 4. Towards the last part of the journey, I was really exhausted as I didn't have much food intake, and I was taking water from Kelvin and Sarega, so didn't want to finish it.

Finally about the last 500m, we met them one-by-one: Annie and jiefu (when we have an energy bar to boost the energy), Jacy and Chi Chung, then the team of whole group!!! It was at one the steep rocks that Ai Yin and me claimed back the water bottles, haha! Regretfully we didn't manage to take a big group picture for all, but I guess I should be satisfied with this achievement ady. It was at 7.05am! Luckily we made it, the real time that they stop hikers coming up was 7am! Great guide we have once again~~


After a few pictures, we had to get down to Laban Rata Rest House to have our breakfast. It was kinda rush, so we just walked. In fact by that time, I was really hoping for breaks that would let me rest my legs that started to show objection. Ai Yin was supported by another guide this time, very fast she disappeared from us. Kinda release for her as she should be safe with the guide ady, bye bye Ai Yin, haha! We met her once at the checkpoint, and after that she disappeared again. I couldn't describe how tired is that time, just wish I could get back to reality soon, for the first time! Geethaa, my lab mate called me and I answered with no energy at all.

By the time we reached Laban Rata, it was 9.45am, just before 15 mins of check-out time. We packed our stuff in a while, and rushed down to rest house to grab the breakfast before the session ended at 10.30am, crazy! I did not have appetite at all after all these, just managed to stuff in a few scoops of fried rice. Around 11.15am, we started the journey down, but all suffer from pain at different area of feets and legs, even with Panadol and Muscle Relaxant. It was altogether 6 hours to get down that 6km, which we use about the same time to hike up, oh gosh! The funny part is that Ai Yin suddenly became so motivated when she heard that Shu Yih and Der Jiun them were just 1km away from us, compared to the extremely slow steps before the motivation. Do not belittle the descending journey, it was as challenging as ascending hike but in a different way.

All-in-all, we manage to conquer MOUNT KINABALU! Looks like kinda big achievement huh? I wonder if I could write on resume, haha! But it checked one of the to-do-list that I dreamt of, hooray!!!

Thank you you and you that accompany me during this challenging journey, that enhance the colour of the dream trip!

P/S: Der Jiun, Shu Yih, Ai Yin, Siew Ching and me ended the 3rd day with simple but warm cup noodles. Finally I get some proper food intake, especially after suffering from motion sickness vomitting again ~huh~ We checked-in to the serviced apartment that we're quite satisfied with, Likas Square Condotel. We went to Sapi Island the next day after the hike! Not bad some of us still can swim and snorkle! Hehe. And the day was filled with nice local food, recommended by Jian Ming, addressed with much gratitude~~



==> The end of BCM annual trip, year 2013 <==

Part 2- A Self-Challenging Trip to Mount Kinabalu~ Ehem

9 May 2013 Entering Timpohon Gate with full semangat, we started the journey with a very light warm-up.


In a line, step-by-step we get up to the greater height.


Although I left some of the things for porter to carry, still I felt that the burden on my shoulder was very heavy! Haiz... What to do, I think the main culprit were the water, but I needed them. The hygiene of water to be refilled at the stations was really not convincing, except Layang-Layang Station where we had our packed lunch. 0.5km, 1km, 1.5km, 2km... We took photo for the first few station, where our team were still together. After a few stations, the ones that're walking with me are left with Siew Ching, Der Jiun, Jacy and Chi Chung. I enjoyed the scenery of nature on my way on the trail, the plants are rarely found on the ground!



The hiking distance for the day was 6km. Thanks to Siew Ching that bacame my food supplier that time, hehe... We managed to meet the rest of our friends at Layang-Layang Station, the place that we had our packed lunch brought over from Balsam Restaurant. My knee started to ache before this station, luckily Counter Pain from Der Jiun was able to help release the pain.




The last 2km was not simple as we thought, it was steeper and steeper, with rocks that would be painful to step on. Jacy was adapted to the height that time, so she and Chi Chung went further and further ahead from us.


About at 5km, it started the rain and made the journey even more challenging. Water was flowing down the trail, we can only try to save our shoes from getting wet by stepping on higher rocks. Of course it did not help much. Anyway, the waterfall scene was amazing!

We were very near to clouds this time!


At about 4pm, we finally reach Laban Rata Resthouse! 3,273m above sea level. Huh, I remember the cold wind~~~


Here we had our early dinner at about 4.30pm. A very warm dinner indeed, as all of us finally met after the obstacles. We were all very hungry that time!



However, Gunting Lagadan Hut, the place that we stayed overnight was at a place that's at a higher altitude (3,323m above sea level) . To walk there it's a bit hard with cold wind and insufficient light at evening. And yet, it is a non-heated dormitory.

-Part 1- A Self-Challenging Trip to Mount Kinabalu~ Yeah!

After a few weeks of hiking on weekend as training, it was the date! It exerted anxiety on most of us as we are worried that we could not make it to the peak. However, things shouldn't stop just for the worry, but we shall try our best.

8 May 2013 that marked the beginning of our journey, Ai Yin and me was taking the flight from Penang to KL, then only departing to Sabah from KL. I met one of my secondary school friend in LCCT, Chan Joo. She missed the time for checking in luggage, and so have to get another tickets immediately to join her friends. While I was reminding myself of not falling into the trap like this, I saw... Shu Yih? Am I wrong? Oh gosh. From the FB info, they should have departed once we reach. LOL! Actually they made a mistake for the time, should be the flight later, haha! We chit chat a bit. Then Ai Yin and me went for breakfast in MarryBrown. Something that little of you know, I carelessly lost my boarding pass and some of the receipts that I put in the trolley, huhu... That cost me another RM21 to print in the cyber cafe in LCCT. We reached Sabah at about 2.30pm, meeting Shu Yih and Der Jiun again while waiting for the rest. Jok E and the bf reached in a while, communicating with the drivers first. There was a shift in plan for transport, and so we had to wait for the bro-in-law of Jacy, then only started collecting the rest from Tanjung Aru. 4pm, the exact time of departure towards Kinabalu Park HQ. The transfer costs RM58 per person for a return trip.

When we reached there, the sky is already getting dark. After checking in for all my friends, we dropped our luggage at Rock Hostel and getting back to Balsam Buffet Restaurant for dinner.


9 May 2013 We moved from the hostel to the same restaurant again for breakfast. Meanwhile, I settled the fees for mount guide and tranfer to Timpohon Gate. 14 of us need 3 guide that was RM450 in total, and the transfer is RM9 per pax. Part of our luggage were kept at Sutera luggage room, RM10 per piece of luggage. They are very kind, some of us combine the luggages that saved some money. Around 9am, we were ready for the transfer to Timpohon Gate.


And here we reach Timpohon Gate.


Then only the real journey starts. To be continued...

Plan for the Challenge

Day passes and we are getting from kids, teenagers, adults and at the end towards the aged. We do not know how many 10 years that we can achieve, but the least to do for ourselves is to fill life with colours.

It was the plan since don't know how many years ago that we mentioned about this: We are going to conquer Mount Kinabalu. As usual, some plans are dragged years by years until one day someone creates the sparkle that keeps the plan moving. It was Annie, Jacy's sister that asked around. Eventually, the interest spread to Lian Chee that try to make it as our annual trip. I guess she has gone through some resistance to eventually collect 14 of us to go in a group. A huge group for hiking right? Haha.

Well, buying the flight ticket doesn't seem to be a confirmation to join the trip. After buying the flight tickets, some matters occur. Der Jiun and Shu Yih planned to not joining the hike. At that time, I was having some conflict with my lab mates about our Sabah trip too. That makes me wonder: Must I really join the trip too since the hiking experience doen't count everyone in? It should be an annual gathering for our BCM family. We won't be able to spend much time together if the trip goes on like this. After getting myself cool down, I get to see their point and concern over the matter. I do agree that it's not convincing to promote a local trip for RM 1000, especially when we need the money for something else.

And hence, I decided to take up the responsibility to organize the trip this time, hoping that I would be able to get something that satisfy most of us. However, communication is kinda hard as most of my friends are staying in Selangor, so the only thing I can do is to discuss through FACEBOOK and followed by personal message or SMS after that. The only thing that I regretted is on the transport that I promised Uncle Chong, but somehow I have to change the plan at last minute. People might not understand why do I insist on taking Uncle Chong. For me, a promise is a promise that should not be broken, I dislike people that simply say things then just ignore it. That shows that the person is not trustworthy. However, at the end I change mind because I think the opinion of others should be taken into account.

After comparing a few companies, we decided to take the package from Sutera Santuary Lodges that costs RM560 for hiking package from Timpohon Gate. We almost missed the place offered by them but luckily, the place come back to us after that. Huh! And so the date s set to be on 8-11 May 2013.

不轻易说放弃!

等了好多天，今天终于可以开始RNA Extraction了，是朝向RT-PCR的第一步。

可是啊，因为没查清楚其中一个步骤，应该是因为少加了buffer，结果extraction的一开始就觉得有问题。结果就是RNA的分量太少了，不能进去cDNA synthesis的部分。

而且，怎么又有细胞bacterial contamination了呢？真的是让我乱了阵脚。原本在槟城的时候都好好的啊！过后才想到，可能是不习惯这边的set up,有时候media会接触到micropipette的尾端。真是大意！

在陌生的环境里办事，好像很多事都不能如想象的进行那么顺利。失望是免不了的，却开始萌起退缩的念头。

话说回来，我觉自己是个蛮容易放弃的人。每次没有信心把某件事办好，我都会推搪掉。怕的是那失败的滋味，也就是我之前觉得自己是完美主义者的原因。我不想看到我的记录里有瑕疵的出现。而当我承接了某个任务的话，我会尽全力办好那件事。

往往这样的性格让我错失了本来属于我的东西，也让小错误影响自己的信心。

想提醒自己的是，犯错-人之常情。重要的是要想办法补救和解决。 过程往往都是没人看见的，结果才是重点。放弃的话，就连结果都看不到了。

所以，我不轻易放弃！我要看最好的结果。

最暗的夜，才會看見最美的星光，人生亦是如此。-蔡康永-